‘Dad, buy me an iPad or else...’

For counsellor Punita Singh it came as a shock when a 13-year-old asked her, “What is the harm in losing virginity?” A counsellor at Carmel Convent School, Chandigarh, Singh says, “I expected such a query from 16-year-olds.” She knows her work is cut out, with even nine- and 10-year-olds asking for advice on complex issues like relationships, aspirations and self-identity.
It’s to be expected. The New Age child might be sassy and smart but is also confused. Few among the current pre-teens and tweens recognize authority, but do expect instant gratification. And they cannot handle rejection. Counsellor Geetanjali Kumar cites a case where a class IX girl slit her wrist when her father denied her wish to wear a low-cut blouse. Likewise, psychologist Jitendra Nagpal remembers a 10-year-old boy, who smashed all the crockery at home in a rage, asking him, “Why can’t my parents, who are so rich, buy me an iPad?”
Generational gap or not, it’s taking a toll on communication within families and on the child’s psyche. Ameeta Wattal, principal of Springdales School, Delhi, says, “Children approach me with relationship problems with their parents.” Consequently, they go to teachers and counsellors on issues such as sexuality, sibling rivalry or being denied an object of desire. “Once a class VII girl threatened suicide when her mobile was taken away,” recalls Singh. “She told me, ‘Why can’t my parents respect my privacy?’ These kids are ill-equipped to handle sensitive matters.”
Both parents and counsellors have it tough because many a time, there is no precedent they can take guidance from. Rohini Broota, general secretary, Association of Indian School Counsellors and Allied Professionals, had a tough time with a class III student who spent hours getting ready for an outing. She stumped her by asking, “Why can’t I wear make-up to school if my elder sister can?” Early “biological changes and consciousness about body beauty muddles up a child’s mind,” feels Broota. Without guidance, children could end up being confused or angry, leading to erratic behavior and sometime even violence. Ultimately, what they are looking for might not be that mobile or car, but just a lot more attention, understanding and guidance.